Romantasy has set unattainable standards for men, leaving real-life suitors in the dust, much like the biblical tale of David and Goliath, where the underdog faces insurmountable odds against a seemingly unbeatable foe. The stakes have never been higher.
Once upon a time, receiving a simple “good morning” text from a man was enough of a reason to go out with him. But now, thanks to the rise of romantasy, the book genre blending themes of romance and fantasy, dating standards have changed dramatically. The genre has captivated a growing audience, particularly among women, who find themselves enchanted by the male protagonists who embody traits that are often absent in real-life relationships.
As more women dive into romantasy novels like “Onyx Storm” and “A Court of Thorns and Roses,” they are falling in love with characters who are not just broodingly handsome but also emotionally intelligent, heroic, and deeply committed. These fictional men slay dragons, traverse realms for love, and provide emotional and physical satisfaction, creating a stark contrast to the reality many women face today. Some men in the real world, it seems, are still grappling with basic aspects of intimacy and understanding.
Taylor Weir, a 29-year-old romantasy reader, reflects on how her favorite fictional men raise her standards. “These men have definitely raised my standards,” she states, emphasizing that she appreciates seeing men who yearn for women, which she believes reflects vulnerability, emotional depth, and a confident masculinity that is often lacking in her interactions with real men. The emotional intelligence displayed by these characters sets a high bar, leading many women to question the emotional availability of their real-life counterparts.
Alyssa Wehr, 28, shares a similar sentiment, noting that her infatuation with characters like Xaden Riorson from “Fourth Wing” and Cassian from “A Court of Thorns and Roses” has diminished her interest in dating. “A lot of fictional men are emotionally intelligent and able to effectively communicate,” she explains, acknowledging that while real men can also possess these qualities, it often feels like they must undergo significant personal growth to reach that level, which can be frustrating for women who are looking for immediate connection.
What began as a form of escapism has transformed into a powerful narrative that shapes expectations around relationships. Romantasy novels are no longer merely entertainment; they serve as a blueprint for how women believe they should be treated in their romantic lives. The archetypes presented in these stories set a standard that many women now aspire to in their real-life relationships.
Elodie Colliard, author of “Unbearably Yours (It’s Always Been You),” articulates the principles that guide her male characters. She insists that they must be understanding, attentive, and communicative. As a reader herself, Colliard seeks to create characters who are “all in” and who notice the subtleties about their love interests—traits that resonate deeply with readers.
Critics of romantasy might argue that it sets unrealistic expectations for men, but Colliard counters this notion. “Wanting to have a man who listens, has some degree of emotional intelligence, and cares for his partner is not having too high of expectations,” she asserts. Instead, she views these desires as fundamental needs in any healthy relationship.
The best romantasy male characters are not without flaws, but they exhibit consistency and reliability, showing up for their partners in ways that many real men fail to do. In a dating landscape where ghosting is prevalent, communication breakdowns are common, and emotional unavailability is rampant, it is no wonder that these fictional men have become so desirable. Women are drawn to characters who prioritize their partners and demonstrate emotional depth, qualities that are often missing in their everyday interactions.
Colliard, despite being in a healthy relationship, admits that if she were to date again, she would prefer to spend her time with her favorite fictional man rather than go out with an unfamiliar guy. This sentiment is echoed by many readers who find solace and satisfaction in the relationships portrayed in romantasy, leading to a growing disillusionment with the dating scene.
The rise of romantasy reflects broader societal changes in expectations around masculinity and emotional intelligence. As women increasingly seek partners who can meet their emotional needs, the pressure mounts on men to adapt and grow. The emotional labor that comes with relationships is no longer seen as a woman’s responsibility alone; rather, it is a shared burden that both partners must navigate together.
The genre’s popularity has sparked discussions about how men can step up to meet these new standards. While some may feel overwhelmed by the expectations set by these fictional characters, others see it as an opportunity for growth and improvement. The challenge lies in bridging the gap between the idealized versions of masculinity presented in romantasy and the reality of male behavior.
As men become aware of the traits that women find appealing in these characters, there is potential for a shift in how they approach relationships. The emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and commitment seen in romantasy heroes can serve as a model for real-life interactions. Men who take the time to develop these qualities may find themselves more successful in their romantic endeavors.
However, the question remains whether the real world can ever truly compete with the allure of these fictional characters. For many women, the emotional fulfillment and adventure found in romantasy are hard to replicate in the mundane realities of everyday life. The challenge for men becomes not only to meet these expectations but to understand the deeper emotional needs that drive them.
Ultimately, the rise of romantasy has transformed the landscape of dating and relationships, setting a new standard for emotional connection and fulfillment. As women continue to seek partners who embody the qualities of their favorite fictional men, the onus is on men to rise to the occasion. The stakes are high, and the challenge is clear: can real-life suitors compete with the enchanting allure of romantasy heroes? The answer may well depend on their willingness to evolve and embrace the emotional complexity that modern relationships demand.
Once upon a time, receiving a simple “good morning” text from a man was enough of a reason to go out with him. But now, thanks to the rise of romantasy, the book genre blending themes of romance and fantasy, dating standards have changed.
As more and more women read romantasy novels like “Onyx Storm” and “A Court of Thorns and Roses,” they’re falling in love with the male protagonists. And these men aren’t just broodingly handsome – they’re emotionally intelligent, they slay dragons, they cross realms for love, and they effortlessly provide orgasms. Some men in the real world, though? Still learning what a clitoris is.
“These men have definitely raised my standards,” Taylor Weir, 29, says. A romantasy reader, Weir says her favorite fictional men put their partner before anyone else. “I love to see men yearn for women because it shows vulnerability, emotional depth, and confidence in their masculinity,” which are lacking in her real-life interactions with men, she adds.
For Alyssa Wehr, 28, her love for fictional men like Xaden Riorson from “Fourth Wing” and Cassian from “A Court of Thorns and Roses” has also made her less interested in dating. “A lot of fictional men are emotionally intelligent and able to effectively communicate, and while I know it’s possible for a guy in real life to also be those things, it feels like they have to go through a whole journey to get there,” she says. “I’m too impatient for that.”
Although romantasy may have originated as a form of escapism, the genre has quickly morphed into something far more powerful. These novels aren’t just a form of entertainment anymore – they’ve become a guide for how women deserve to be treated.
“Wanting to have a man who listens, has some degree of emotional intelligence, and cares for his partner is not having too high of expectations.”
Elodie Colliard, author of “Unbearably Yours (It’s Always Been You),” says that when she writes romance novels, there are some basic principles her male fictional characters have to embody. “They should be understanding, attentive, and communicative,” she says. Even as a reader of the genre, she says she wants to read about a man who is “all in” and knows everything about his love interest, including “all the things she never thought he’d notice.”
It’s worth noting many of these male characters are written by women authors for the female gaze. But for those who may argue romantasy has raised the bar too high for men, Colliard disagrees. “Wanting to have a man who listens, has some degree of emotional intelligence, and cares for his partner is not having too high of expectations,” she says. “It’s meeting your partner’s basic needs.”
The best romantasy fictional male characters aren’t perfect. However, they’re consistent, they show up when they say they will, and they make their partners a priority. In a world where dating apps feel impossible, ghosting is common, and miscommunication is the norm, it’s no surprise these fictional men are more desirable.
Though Colliard is in a healthy relationship, if she had to choose to date again today, she wouldn’t. “I’d choose to spend my evening with my favorite fictional man than go for a drink with a guy I don’t know,” she says. With shadow daddies like Xaden, Rhysand, and Cassian, I don’t blame her. Will men in real life be able to compete? Perhaps they should start taking notes.
Taylor Andrews is the senior balance editor at Popsugar, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With eight years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.